Привет (privyet) This week’s virtual travels take us to the largest country in the world – Russia! Many things spring to mind when I think of Russia: Putin, Chess Grandmasters, Pushkin, Dostoyevsky, Tchaikovsky, Anastasia, Catherine the Great, Rasputin, Matryoshka dolls, vodka… but did you know that Russia is also home to one of the coldest places on earth (Siberia), the world’s largest freshwater lake (Lake Baikal), the world’s largest bore hole (at Murmansk), the world’s only circus for cats and the world’s weirdest swimming contest (on the Vuoski River)? These and other surprises await us on our journey, so strum your balalaika, put on your ushanka hat and let’s get started. To follow in my virtual footsteps, just click on the links in the text.
Getting there
We catch a flight with Aeroflot direct from Heathrow to the country’s capital, Moscow, and get to see spectacular views of the city before landing at Sheremetyevo airport. On the way, we pick up a few useful phrases –
- Hi – Привет (privyet)
- Yes – Да (da)
- No – Нет (nyet)
- Please – Пожалуйста (poZHAlusta)
- Thank you – Спасибо (spaSIbo)
- You’re welcome. – Не за что. (ne za chto)
- I’m sorry. – Прошу прощения. (proSHU proSHCHEniya)
- Excuse me. – Извините. (izviNIte)
- I don’t understand. – Я не понимаю. (YA ne poniMAyu)
- I don’t speak Russian. – Я не говорю по-Русски. (YA ne govoryU po RUSski)
- Do you speak English? – Ты говорите по-Английски? (vi govoRIte po angLIYski?)
Once at the airport, we need to find our way to the arty district of Zamoskvorechye, which is where we’ll find our hotel. Pick a room and settle in but I warn you, you’ll have to fight me for the Penthouse suite! Check out that view of the Moskva River! While you’re getting unpacked, turn on the radio and listen to some Russian sounds. Don’t take too long unpacking, though, there’s so much to see and do.
Getting around
Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that a metro is just for the purposes of travel but you’ll need to think again in Moscow, as the metro has become a must-see attraction in its own right for any self-respecting tourist, even a virtual one. Join me on a tour now, to see why. [click on the map in the bottom left-hand corner to see the circle line map and on the earphones to hear announcements in Russian] Let’s hop on a few of the most unique trains including a gallery, a story book and a poetry museum! While we’re waiting on the platform, look out for someone’s unusual pet.
A walk in Gorky Park
After spending all that time underground it’s time for a spot of fresh air, so how about a walk in the famous Gorky Park? Alternatively, check out the quirky lockdown version here as Muscovites dream of being back in their favourite outdoor leisure space (and get to see inside real Russian homes!)
Moscow State Puppet Theatre
Next, let’s head to the Moscow State Puppet Theatre, the world’s largest, as I’ve already got us tickets for a show. Before we go in though, look up at the Theatre’s façade and watch what happens when the clock strikes the hour. Cool! Step inside with me now to catch a bizarre and hilarious interpretation of Don Juan by Sergei Obraztsov. Follow the story of the Spanish lothario as he travels the world seducing women, pursued by angry lovers and weird little devils, and find out whether or not he gets his comeuppance (as well as how the leaning tower of Pisa came to lean). Dancing skeletons, spitting camels, horses doing the tango and chase scenes reminiscent of a Benny Hill sketch (for those old enough to remember him) promise to surprise and delight. All of the languages are completely fake, so no subtitles are required, but this very adult puppet show is probably not suitable for children!
I hope you enjoyed that. If, like me, you just can’t get enough of these freaky puppets, take a sneaky peak behind the scenes at the puppet museum housed in the theatre.
A good old Russian nosh up
With all that laughing I’ve worked up quite an appetite! I think that means it’s time for a spot of hearty Russian nose bag, so roll up your sleeves and get ready to get your hands reddy. Immediately associated with Russia, borscht is a deliciously warming beetroot soup enjoyed throughout Eastern Europe and the Russian Federation. What makes the Russian variant different is the inclusion of minced beef in the recipe. Here’s my version.
You’ll need:
250g of lean beef mince, 1 medium onion loosely chopped, 1 medium potato cut into 5mm chunks, 2 medium carrots cut into 5mm chunks, 1/2 a finely chopped white cabbage, 1 finely chopped clove of garlic, 2 grated raw beetroot, 750ml of beef stock, a knob of butter, soured cream and fresh dill.
To cook:
Sauté the mince in butter in a large saucepan until brown. Add the onion, potato, carrots and garlic and cook for 5 minutes on a medium heat, before adding the cabbage and cooking for another 5 minutes. Next, add the beetroot and mix in before adding the beef stock and simmering with the lid on for 30 minutes (or until most of the liquid has reduced). Serve immediately with lots of fresh dill and a dollop of soured cream. Then, eat with gusto and a crusty loaf!
Weird and wonderful walking tour
Time to walk off all those calories next…
We’ll need to hop back on the metro first as we’re heading to Partizanskaya Metro Station, from where we can take a leisurely walk to and through Moscow’s Izmailovo Flea Market, a wondrous bazaar, and maybe pick up some souvenirs along the way. The market looks like some sort of toy town brought to life (there’s even a fake Kremlin to wander around) and is on three levels with folk art and typical souvenirs on the first floor, odds and sods on the second floor, and some real antiques and art on the third. This might be a good place to get that must-have Russian keepsake – a set of Matryoshka dolls.
That was fun! I hope you found some good bargains and didn’t spend all of your rubles. Before we’re done exploring, let’s stop off at the nearby Plasticene museum of world history and the vodka museum, where you can see strange and wonderful vodka bottles and learn about the history of this very Russian drink not to mention having a few sips of the stuff in the restaurant afterwards.
A trip to the circus
If you’re not too tipsy, let’s finish off the day with a trip to the Circus. The Nikulin Circus is one of the oldest in Russia, and the traditional home of the world-famous Moscow State Circus. The original stone building was founded on Tsvetnoi Boulevard in 1880 by the rider and gymnast Albert Salamonsky and when the circus performed its first show on October 20, 1880, there were just five rows of armchairs, boxes, a mezzanine, wooden benches and a standing gallery! It’s come a long way since then as audiences all over the world now flock to see their shows. Be warned, however, Russian circuses still use animals in their acts, which can be a bit uncomfortable to watch but the human artists are wonderful, the costumes colourful and flamboyant and the giant Fabergé eggs beautiful and strange, so sit back and enjoy some edited highlights…
Alternatively, you can head to the equally controversial Circus for Cats! Yes, that’s right, a whole circus devoted to cats performing tricks. Have a few more vodkas during the show and it may even start to make a certain kind of sense to you but, personally, speaking as a Cat, I find it all a little bewildering and more than a little disconcerting seeing my feline friends demeaning themselves in this way, so I’m off back to the hotel to curl up with a copy of The Collected Stories of Alexander Pushkin!
Join me for the next part of the adventure very soon, though, when we’ll be discovering the secrets of the real Kremlin, finding out what goes on under Lenin’s tomb and being blown away by crazy cathedrals…
